Wednesday, January 15, 2014

In over my head....


(Begin rant.)

Ever have a day when you just feel like you might actually sink? Like you've just been treading water for too long, and it's getting exhausting? 

That's me today. 

I'm seriously in over my head with this mom-of-three/homeschooling/GAPS dieting/kids-in-the-bed/french immersion/Post-traumatic-stress-disorder craziness. Something's got to give, and I'm just not sure what. 

We didn't do school today. So sue me.

I've had a few people tell me that they're so impressed with how I seem to have it all together (what???!). How I can plan parties and bake healthy treats for my kids, etc. Well....honestly...I don't. Not even close to together. And, to be honest, I feel like planning a birthday party right now to take my mind off the everyday worries of 6-year old mood swings and babies that never stay asleep long enough for me to rinse the conditioner from my hair. 

My house is in shambles right now. It seems like as soon as I manage to conquer one room (and by conquer I mean get it tidy enough to be able to see the floor), there's another mess being made somewhere else. It's usually an even bigger one. But the thing is, it's not the fact that I can't keep the house under control, or the supper made (last night was a hodge-podge bbq beef sandwich made with leftover roast beef that I took one bite of and couldn't stomach the rest......somehow my gracious husband managed to get it down), or the homeschool lesson done for the day, or the kids to sleep in their own beds.....it's just the feeling of never having it together. Funny, right? I honestly think that someone needs something from me every single moment of the day. Ever felt like you spend the whole day getting snacks, and wiping butts, and breaking up fights, and getting more snacks and more snacks...and more flippin snacks? 


Everyone tells me that I need to take time for myself. Go to the gym, get a massage, take a bath, go to my Trauma Release therapy (EMDR), the list goes on......but I honestly just don't know how to fit that into the day. "Make it a priority", they say. Easier said than done. Getting them all dressed/fed/packed into the car and heading to the gym daycare takes more energy than I have available. I get to the gym and I'm so exhausted that the mere thought of hopping onto the elliptical is nauseating. I've been known to just sit on my yoga mat and try to clear my head (ok...I might throw in a few sun salutations just so I feel like it's all been worthwhile) for the entire 45 minutes. 

Oh my. I don't even know why I'm writing this. Keeping it real, that's all. 

I'm just tired. I know it's just a stage, and I need to enjoy the moments when they're little. And I do. I really do enjoy a lot of moments :). But today....today I'm in over my head. Out of control, crazy, mayhem.....this motherhood thing ain't for the faint of heart.


(end rant) ;)


So...if there's anyone out there that feels like they're sinking today...I'm right there with you. The good news is that somehow us mommas are pretty buoyant and we always seem to come back up. 

Tomorrow will be a better one. It almost always is :)


Now...I'm back to planning my tiny man's first birthday party. How is my baby almost one already?? What's that they say about the days being long and the years being short? So, so true. 


Hang in there, mommas. We can do this.

xo






6 comments:

  1. Just gotta say, I am right there with ya! I could have written this myself. I hear all of the same advice and it makes sense and sounds good, but I never seem to be able to follow it. It'a all so important, what the kids eat, education, their happiness. It's impossible for me to pick and choose, so I try to do it ALL, but it does come at a cost of giving myself all day, every day. So, I have no advice or words of wisdom, but I am sending good thoughts and vibes your way and you are right, tomorrow is almost always better :)

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    Replies
    1. awww...thanks for the kind thoughts! It helps so much to know I'm not the only one in this state of chaos :) It really is hard to make time for ourselves when we're too exhausted to do anything once all the rest of the little people are looked after, isn't it? I need to get better at this, though! hugs to you, momma!

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  2. Aww, Tracey, I know how you are feeling, since I was at home with 3 kids for so long. Now I am back to teaching kindergarten full time and have 2 teens in the house and I feel like life is crazy. But my sister is in your shoes...she has 3 little ones, home schools the eldest who is 6, and who also has crazy food sensitivities that my sister is pulling her hair out trying to make eating interesting, and she teaches one day a week to help with the bills all while her husband in a police officer downtown and works crazy amount of hours. Today I helped her out while she sat in emergency with the 6 yr old who had an anaphylactic attack after coming into contact with peanuts. All while my sister deals with her own medical issues and tries to heal herself naturally. You are not alone....so many moms out there are trying to keep it together! You are doing a fabulous job - and just think - your boys WON'T want to be in your bed when they are teenagers!

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  3. Hang in there girl! This is just a season of life. It won't last forever even though it seems to! You are such a blessing to your boys! You are teaching and molding and shaping three little hearts and minds. It is a daily sacrifice but we mommies do it out of love. The craziness won't last forever! My 3 kids are grown and out of the house. How I long for those chaotic homeschooling days! ;)
    rosie
    PS we had plenty of days when school didn't get done. Those were our BEST days!;)

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  4. Love the cartoon at the bottom of your post....funny how some people seem to view stay at home moms!
    I am thinking of you today and will pray it is a great day!
    Our daughters are 23 & 24 and one is a momma herself! It never gets "easy" it just gets different!
    And I am so proud of you and how you have embraced all that you do...even if some days suck!
    Thinking of you and your beautifully important family!

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Thank you so much for your comments! I love reading every single one :)

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