Ever have a day when you just feel like you might actually sink? Like you've just been treading water for too long, and it's getting exhausting?
That's me today.
I'm seriously in over my head with this mom-of-three/homeschooling/GAPS dieting/kids-in-the-bed/french immersion/Post-traumatic-stress-disorder craziness. Something's got to give, and I'm just not sure what.
We didn't do school today. So sue me.
I've had a few people tell me that they're so impressed with how I seem to have it all together (what???!). How I can plan parties and bake healthy treats for my kids, etc. Well....honestly...I don't. Not even close to together. And, to be honest, I feel like planning a birthday party right now to take my mind off the everyday worries of 6-year old mood swings and babies that never stay asleep long enough for me to rinse the conditioner from my hair.
My house is in shambles right now. It seems like as soon as I manage to conquer one room (and by conquer I mean get it tidy enough to be able to see the floor), there's another mess being made somewhere else. It's usually an even bigger one. But the thing is, it's not the fact that I can't keep the house under control, or the supper made (last night was a hodge-podge bbq beef sandwich made with leftover roast beef that I took one bite of and couldn't stomach the rest......somehow my gracious husband managed to get it down), or the homeschool lesson done for the day, or the kids to sleep in their own beds.....it's just the feeling of never having it together. Funny, right? I honestly think that someone needs something from me every single moment of the day. Ever felt like you spend the whole day getting snacks, and wiping butts, and breaking up fights, and getting more snacks and more snacks...and more flippin snacks?
Everyone tells me that I need to take time for myself. Go to the gym, get a massage, take a bath, go to my Trauma Release therapy (EMDR), the list goes on......but I honestly just don't know how to fit that into the day. "Make it a priority", they say. Easier said than done. Getting them all dressed/fed/packed into the car and heading to the gym daycare takes more energy than I have available. I get to the gym and I'm so exhausted that the mere thought of hopping onto the elliptical is nauseating. I've been known to just sit on my yoga mat and try to clear my head (ok...I might throw in a few sun salutations just so I feel like it's all been worthwhile) for the entire 45 minutes.
Oh my. I don't even know why I'm writing this. Keeping it real, that's all.
I'm just tired. I know it's just a stage, and I need to enjoy the moments when they're little. And I do. I really do enjoy a lot of moments :). But today....today I'm in over my head. Out of control, crazy, mayhem.....this motherhood thing ain't for the faint of heart.
(end rant) ;)
So...if there's anyone out there that feels like they're sinking today...I'm right there with you. The good news is that somehow us mommas are pretty buoyant and we always seem to come back up.
Tomorrow will be a better one. It almost always is :)
Now...I'm back to planning my tiny man's first birthday party. How is my baby almost one already?? What's that they say about the days being long and the years being short? So, so true.
Hang in there, mommas. We can do this.